juicy crush chronicles

Crush Chronicles

Okay, okay. I'll admit it. I'm a bad diaryist. The Daily Preciousness is shockingly devoid of true-life confessions. I apologize for that. Sometimes, I'm just too much of a wall-flower to let go of the truly juicy stuff. I mean, yes, it's a diary... but this is not the place for baring it all, you know? I refuse to bare it all like a campus streaker. That would probably freak people out.

Fear not, gentle reader, I won't shock you with too much information. But I will let loose with a few droplets of juice.

Here's the scoop: as free as I am with my affections, I have showed impressive restraint over the last few months. There's somebody in my life who has no idea what feelings I have for him. *Very strong feelings.*

Why hold back? I have every reason -- fear of rejection -- fear that he'd laugh at my face -- fear that he'd give me the standard "You're really a great guy, but..." speech. I don't want to hear that from his pitch-perfect lips. What do I want? Well... I'll tell you what I want (What I really, really want)....

I want to wrap myself, ropelike, in his arms and drift asleep inside there, warm and safe. I want to watch the candle bob and burn quietly while I listen to the sound of his sleeping breaths. (The nostrils will whistle a tiny, tinny tune in his Judaic-looking nose.)

I want to have his dog curl up at my feet and look up, droopy eyed, as we carefully examine each other's fingers, one by one.

The peaks and valleys of his back will be the perfect landscape from which to see the dawn, budding through the bedroom window.

He will play me music -- his music. And we will sip cafe latte in big, venti ("20" in Italian) ounce glasses.

And I will have the courage to tell him that I have admired him from afar... well, not *that* far... for so many months.

Was it the poem that did it? Was it that quiet intelligence? Was it the knowing smile over the phone, when he knew exactly how anguished I was over situation X or broken heart Y or homophobic incident Z? Or was it those ice blue, powder blue, cornflower blue, knowingful blue eyes?

Yep, it was the eyes.

And that's the juice for today.