trucking

This is my favorite quote from today's "devotional" scriptural reading (where the word "scriptural" actually means "internet")....

"We all must do our part and make television a more exciting and unpredictable place, like a truck stop restroom at 3:00AM."

- Josh "Livestock" Boruff

In this vein, I would just like to say that (A) it was a very lonely night for me that cold January evening and (B) it was the best truck stop on I-95.

Yes, of course, I'm talking about the Waa Waa gas station, located just off I-95, near the Potomac Mills Exit. The charming little truck stop has a hint of lavender (or is that lilac?) wafting in the warm air. The little bathroom walls (which always remind me of office dividers) are delightfully decorated with cute little sayings. "Willy haz a big cock" and "James Baldwin wasn't joking about Giovanni!" are some of my favorite little sayings.

Bubba, my old pal who drives a shiny silver tanker for Texaco, always has a kind word and a "surprise delivery" for me when he sees me there.

Shirley runs the little diner next door. Her ready smile and steaming pot of coffee always warm my heart -- that and the assortment of free flavored condoms, that is!

Like Josh said, the fun of the truck stop is that you can never guess what'll happen around 3 AM!

Once, when I was sipping on my gin and juice in the dirt-encrusted corner, playing a fast 'n' furious game of Pong™ on my iPod, some plump Thai drag queen crack-whore waltzed in on her 3-inch stiletto heels. She was smoking a fat Cuban and muttering to herself about “that no-good Dunkin’ Donut-eating john” who had just stiffed her after she’d given him a “handy.” I just rolled my eyes and laughed at her!

I mean, everybody knows you can make a lot more than that in the metro area… Like, at LEAST 150 on a good night. Maybe she wasn’t doing so well because of the rough economy. But still… I guess she needs to discuss her pricing plan with her pimping service. Geez. Talk about hitting rock-bottom! Only getting $75 for a handy?!? This isn’t the 80’s, after all! I mean, HELLO?!?

After taking a piss at the urinal, she turned around and saw me sitting there in the corner. I was minding my own business, just playing my game. What followed is much too incriminating to mention here.

Last week, a local high school principal got busted for his leather daddy tastes that he’d described (and photographed) online, so I’m just going to stop right there and let your mind lead you wherever it wants to go, you sick little piece of unsaved trailer trash!

Kisses,
J