daily preciousness

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

the voices (in my head)

It was a few months ago when they started ... the voices, I mean.

At first I thought they were the squirrels. But their voices weren’t high-pitched. (The squirrels’ voices are squeaky. . .)

The voices in my head are now proclaiming that they are Santa and will give me everything I desire if I listen and act upon their requests. (This includes requests of a marshmallow variety.)

This puts me in a strong state of anxiety and fear -- I basically freak out. They brag that I have no proof. Proof – as if I need proof that they’re there!

This continues through February. February 13:I go into the city to visit my boyfriend. I have developed a painful ear infection and a cold because of having taken a very cold bath (with bath salts) month before. While I am in DC, the audio volume is seems to be at maximum, the voices are now deeper and continually telling me that they are actually Satan (and had actually suffered from a brief bout of dyslexia before, when they’d said “Santa.”

And they want to see me die -- they proclaim that they want me to jump off of a building… Well, they actually specify a one story building, not a very tall building. Do they want me to sprain an ankle? Or maybe they just want the wind to mess up my hair?

I think they go as far as informing me that my boyfriend is Santa and that I will give birth to Santa's child.

At least he’ll be jolly. I want a jolly child. At this point, I am seeing crude pink and blue images of people in pain, screaming, but in still frames. These are most clearly seen when my eyes are closed. The blue and pink do merge to form clear purple images in some instances, but basically it acts like a slow-scan poorly composited video. It’s kind of pretty, in a purplish, people-screaming-in-pain sort of way, you know?

Hmmm. The more I think about it, the more I think that the voices in my head are actually just voices from a public address system.

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