daily preciousness

Friday, October 07, 2005

feeling left out

I, for one, feel left out. I mean, every religious person I know gets the chance to enter a kind of holy lottery. The winning prize is this: they can hear God speak to them. The words of the Divine are whispered in their ears.

Well, here's the honest-to-God-darned truth. You heard it here first, folks.

Jesus Christ himself, while He wandered through the Holy Ground of the World Trade Center wreckage, must have smiled upon the workers and handed a certain president a certain megaphone.

And as he handed G.W. that megaphone, He whispered in his ear.

"What did he say?" You might ask.

Was it a great brocolli cassarole recipe? (Heavenly!) The location of physical evidence that will prove the "theory" of intelligent design? (Like that scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark!) Or maybe, just maybe, God told him go to war and slaughter hundreds of thousands of heathens.

But wait -- if God told you that last one, wouldn't you ask for a sign? Maybe the classic burning bush? Or perhaps all it would take to believe Him would be a close call with a pretzel?

Well, God has spoketh (or is that "spaketh"?) to George. And He exhorted him to "Go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan" and "Go and end the tyranny in Iraq." God also said, "Get peace in the Middle East."

(Is it just me, or in that last one, does it sound like God might need a refresher course in good old 'merican English? God might need to brush up on some of those SAT vocabulary words -- "Get peace?!?" Come on!)

Shortly after the messages from On High became public, the White House denied the Jesus Briefings. The folks at BBC maintained their story, which is more than I can say for the Bush administration. (How many revisions have we had on the justifications behind invading Iraq, anyway? I lost count somewhere between "evil man" and "painting their fingers purple," you know?)

All of this leads me to ask: How many times does Our Glorious Leader get to indulge his Holy War fantasies before somebody calls him on it? I hope this was the only time. Otherwise, we're in for a very bumpy ride during these next few years.

OK. Go back to reading about Nick and Jessica breaking up and forget all that I said here. (You know you're going to, anyway, so just do it.)

*** \\\ This just in: I have found the actual movie file of a God's-Eye-View of the White House when He came in for a landing on the Jesus landing pad. /// ***


  • Well the FSM has never actually spoken to me but I have felt the touch of his noodly appendage.

    All hail the FSM!


    By Blogger Anachronus, at October 07, 2005 10:57 AM  

  • Additional I would take any story coming from the Palestinian Information Minister with a grain of salt. I think a Km^3 should suffice.


    By Blogger Anachronus, at October 07, 2005 11:13 AM  

  • Are Nick and Jessica really breaking up, and when will we see Britney Spears baby, and don't you love it when Paris Hilton says "I don't want to be sprayed by champagne by those idiots?"

    Washington Cube Was Here. #280

    By Blogger Washington Cube, at October 10, 2005 3:24 PM  

  • I find it amusing that Paris Hilton could refer to any one as an idiot. If there was ever an example of the pot calling the kettle black....

    By Blogger Anachronus, at October 11, 2005 5:07 PM  

  • Paulo loves you.


    By Blogger Paulo, at October 14, 2005 1:05 PM  

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